Saturday, December 10, 2016

Finding Purpose in Limbo...

 Wow, to be honest I forgot I had a blog...Is blogging even a thing anymore?  I feel like now if people blog they actually have a theme or a purpose to their blog.  Their blogs tend to look amazing and the minute you go to start one of your own you cut it short because yours will never amount to theirs.  Maybe that's just me though haha.

I'm not going to even try to play catch up because lets be honest that would be a blog post that would be extremely long and no one would really read it haha.

Anyways, life has been busy but not exactly expected.  I have mentioned before on Instagram that growing up I always had  a set of goals in life that I wanted to achieve.  They went a lot like this:
1. Go to College (check)
2. Get married to a super hott guy in the temple (check)
3. Buy a house (check)
4. Have kids (blank)

I don't know about you but I always saw myself as a stay at home mom while my husband worked and we would live happily ever after.  About 2 years ago our lives were going pretty great.  Chris graduated, he quickly got a job, we bought a house and things were going good.  Me being the pessimistic person that I am I remember telling Chris that I was waiting for the other shoe to fall. Well after about a year of trying to get pregnant that other shoe fell.  We found out that it was going to be difficult to have kids.  I wont go into more detail because that aspect is a little too private but it was hard.  I went through these back and forth emotions of.... I should feel bad for myself to...I shouldn't feel bad for myself because others have tried for more years and we are still young.  I try to be optimistic most days but some days are rough.  Last night Chris and I were talking and I finally figured out how this trial has affected me (for now anyways).  For the last 4-5 months I have felt stagnant.  I feel stagnant at church, I can't seem to accomplish goals and I just don't have much drive to do anything.  I mean I have drive in the beginning but the longer it goes the less drive I have and I don't finish things.  In a way I feel like I have lost my purpose.  My purpose for so long has been to get pregnant.  Now
I don't know what to do because that has been put on hold and I don't know for how long.  So for now i'm trying to find my purpose and make new short term goals.

This morning Chris and I had a meeting with the bishop for fast offerings and while we were there he gave us this handout that said:

When the focus of our lives is on Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening or not happening in our lives.  Joy comes from and because of him.  He is the source of all joy.
 -Joy and Spiritual Survival President Russell M. Nelson

So.....the point I am trying to make is that I need to focus more on Christ and through that I will have joy and purpose.


I could not love a human more than I love this guy right here.  I wouldn't pick anyone else to go through life with.  

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